Many Famous Philosophers Were “Adult Babies”

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STUTTGART, GERMANY

The historical connection between BDSM, literature and philosophy has been well established, from Marquis de Sade’s “Philosophy of the Bedroom” to Jean Jacques Rousseau’s “Confessions” to Friedrich Nietzsche’s admonition that “when you go to women always bring a whip.”

Recent documents unearthed by researchers at the Goethe Institute have traced a curious historical phenomenon: most of the prominent German metaphysicians have had fetishes for things associated with the “adult baby” subculture.

Known as “paraphilic infantilism” in the psychology community, the fetish involves engaging in practices usually reserved for infants, such as diapering, drinking from bottles, taking naps, and being nurtured by parental figures.  According to  TJ Speaker, the author of Psychosexual Infantilism in Adults, it is not surprising that the condition would be connected to philosophy.

“The whining, crying, and general infantile behavior common in most academic pursuits generally lend themselves to this kind of erotic play,” he said.

Among the findings:

  • Immanuel Kant enjoyed the act of “künstlerischen Windel Verschmutzung” (artistic diaper soiling)
  • Martin Heidegger had a legendary collection of “binkies” (more than 2,000, including one gnarled pink pacifier that he suckled on during the time he wrote Being & Time)
  • Arthur Schopenhauer listed menschliche Muttermilch (human breast milk) as his beverage of choice
  • Fichte, Leibnitz and Hegel all wrote many of their classic “masterpieces” from inside of oversized, adult “cribs” made by the famous German furniture designer David Roentgen.

Dr. Timothy Glick, professor of Philosophy and Comparative Literature at Columbia University has been studying the newly discovered documents and believes the find “will change everything about how we see the world of philosophy and adult babies.”

The finding has left the philosophical community divided.  Marty Gruber, a graduate student at UC Berkeley told The Daily Flogger, “I have always thought Kant was full of shit.  Now I have proof.  I think I have a new thesis topic.”

 
photo credit: ЯAFIK ♋ BERLIN cc

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