Fireplay Linked To “Global Warming”

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BISMARK, SOUTH DAKOTA

A recent report from the United Nations has linked the practice of “fireplay” in the BDSM community to climate change. “The use of alcohol as an accelerant and the frequency with which the practice has taken hold in the BDSM community are undeniably contributing the changes in the planet’s climate,” the report found.

As the alcohol burns off, gasses are released into the atmosphere that contribute to the greenhouse effect, trapping CO2 in the earth’s atmosphere and gradually raising the planet’s temperature.

“Most in the community have no idea have no sense of the damage they are causing,” said Master Karl Fruct, 45. “What we need, first and foremost, is education followed by alternative forms of play.”

Fruct suggests using magnifying glasses and the sun’s rays to create a similar sensation as fire. “It isn’t as dramatic and you can’t do it at night, but it can be really intense when done well.”

Master Pyro, however, remains skeptical. “This is just one report,” he told The Daily Flogger, “the science is still out on this.  What we need is more study before we start regulating fireplay at dungeons.”

Clint Blackwood, owner of the local dungeon agreed.  “We don’t need government telling us what we can and can’t do in our dungeons.  There is no real proof that there is even a problem.”

Others have vowed to give up fireplay altogether.  “I just can’t be part of destroying our planet,” said Beth Brody, 22.  “I’m so so on fireplay anyway.  Needleplay is more my thing.”

The report recommends that dungeons restrict fireplay to one scene per dungeon a night, a guideline that Blackwood and others think is overly restrictive.

“What am I supposed to tell dominants?  Sorry someone else beat you to it?  Put your flame sticks away?  Not gonna happen.”

Photo credit: Cactus cc: by nc sa

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