Injuries Skyrocket as Chainsaw Play Fad Takes Hold

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OREGON CITY, FLORIDA

Since Donna “Vroom Vroom” Wilson, 26, has been tearing up dungeons with her patented “Chainsaw scenes,” injuries resulting from imitators have been increasing at an alarming rate.

Wilson’s prowess with the mechanical cutting device has been described as “uncanny” and “practically useless” by experts. She is able to use a chainsaw to do intricate cuttings, release subjects from bondage, and even give haircuts.

“It is a gift,” says Wilson of her unusual skill, “but it comes with a price. I know there are people out there trying to do the same thing and they just don’t have the skill to do it.”

Master Dozer McCoy, 47, says he has been around logging all his life, which gave him a false sense of security about the dangerous form of play. “I ended up taking off two of my slave’s fingers in what was supposed to be a chainsaw fingernail trimming demo.”

The slave, Mary Urquez, 22, says she “misses her fingers, but if my accident can raise awareness, it will be worth it.”

Photo credit: Doug Kline

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