Movie Review: Expendables 3

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Hi! Emily here. I was drawn to see this movie, I admit because of the title. I often feel like I am expendable. Unloved. Unwanted. Like people pay attention to other people and not me and the more I think about that, the more turned on I get.

I have to admit, I thought this was going to be a documentary because the list of actors appearing in it all seemed to be washed up hacks at the end of their careers, trying to cash in on former glory and make a quick cash grab before no one will ever hire them ever again.

I couldn’t have been more mistaken! It wasn’t a documentary.

Lots of things blew up and I found the whole thing awful and boring. Even the moments that were supposed to be funny left me feeling depressed and a little sad.

In the end, all I could think about was this. This is the third of these movies in a series, so they must be pretty successful, which means a lot of people really love these movies. But I don’t. So what is wrong with me? Why can’t I take pleasure and joy in things like a normal person? I am so fucked up and awful. I deserve to feel like this, unhappy and left out. Everyone else gets to have a good time, but not Emily. Emily deserves to feel like a left out, good for nothing, loser. Everything she tries to do she messes up. She can’t even enjoy a stupid popcorn movie without ruining it.

By the end, I really hated myself for not enjoying it. There aren’t many movies that can make me feel so good about feeling so bad. I loved every minute of it! Special thanks to all those hot men in the movie who I know would never take a second look at me. You make rejection sexy!

Rating: 4.5 Stars

 

About Emily: Emily is The Daily Flogger’s emotionally masochistic film and media critic.  Her views are exclusively her own and should not be considered the product of a rational mind.  Her reviews usually have little to do with the movie in question but do give a nice glimpse inside the mind of a twisted and tortured soul.

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