Santa Declares BDSM “No Longer Naughty”

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NORTH POLE, ARIZONA

In his first announcement in decades, Christopher Kringle, also known as Santa Claus, has indicated that several behaviors long considered “naughty” by Father Christmas will be downgraded to “neutral” and will not “count against anyone when it comes to handing out presents.”

The decision was made in part by Kringle in the wake of the success of the 50 Shades of Grey books, which, according to Klaus, has resulted in a boom in BDSM play in private bedrooms. “I see everything, you know. I have to in order to make naughty and nice determinations. This way I just don’t have to watch anymore. I know it sounds great at first, but some of the things people do in private are a little freaky.”

According to the new rules, BDSM won’t help you make the nice list though. That is reserved to acts of charity, good will, and peace on earth. However, whipping your partner, tying them up or giving spankings won’t cost you with St. Nick anymore.

The news was not well received by Chantelle Coure, a 22 year old submissive. “Being naughty is pretty much my whole identity and BDSM and kink has been a big part of that. Now I am not really sure what to do. Some of us like being naughty, even if means we get coal in our stockings on Christmas.”

“There is still some stuff we consider naughty, like enemas, blood play, and, especially CBT” said Hermie, one of the main elves at the Christmas compound. “Santa just couldn’t get past that one. But mostly, we consider it progress. We elves try not to judge.”

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