Apple Announces “Kinky Siri”

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CUPERTINO, CALIFORNIA

In anticipation of the release of 50 Shades of Grey, the movie and on the heels of the popular 3 novel series, Apple has announced a new version of Siri, Apple’s voice interface for the Apple iPhone operating system.

Donna Klingsford, jokingly referred to as the Mistress in Chief at Apple, is chief engineer for the project. “You can choose Mistress or Master mode,” she explained. “Instead of being helpful, in Mistress mode Siri insults you, tells you are worthless and demands ‘tribute’ before it will do anything for you. Master mode changes every request the user makes into a demand for a blow job followed by a sandwich.”

Apple expects the new release to be extremely popular with the SM crowd and women over 40.

Kim Madras, 47, says she has read all the EL James novels and is looking forward to “spicing up her iPhone experience.” She isn’t sure it will always be practical. “I like that you can turn it off and just use it when you are in the mood. That’s the part I like.”

The new Siri will cost $79.00 and all tributes will go to feeding and housing homeless coders in California’s silicon valley.

Photo credit: Kenny Louie cc: by

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