California Dungeons to Ban Plastic Clothespins

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MODESTO, CALIFORNIA

Shortly after finding a white sea bass with a plastic clothespin attached to its back fin, a local California animal rights group has called for a ban on plastic clothespins and clamps in BDSM play and in all local dungeons.

Kelly Kim, a 22 year old submissive and activist, who found the fish in question, was deeply disturbed by the incident. “It was almost as bad as seeing a tortoise with a straw in its nose,” she said. “Once I saw that a plastic clothespin had somehow made it to the ocean, I saw no other option but to over-react.”

Others have joined the crusade, picketing local dungeons with chats of “Hey, Hey, Ho, Ho, plastic toys have go to go.”

Later in the day a smaller group picketed the environmentalists for using the word “ho,” claiming that it “further marginalized sex workers and created a sex-negative environment in an already hostile climate.”

Things appeared to calm down when the original protesters agreed to amend their chat to “Hey, Hey, Yo, Yo.”

Sara Mikelys, a 20 year old dominant opted to leave the protest, rather than use the new chant.

“It sounded dumb. We aren’t dumb. We just care about fish,” she explained.

Master Agre, a 55 year old dominant said he didn’t think the protest would have much impact. “I am old school. We use wooden clothespins anyway,” he explained. “They are better for the environment and they make people scream louder than the plastic ones.”

“That,” Agre explained, “is what we call a win-win.”

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