Ebola Scare! Local Dungeon Quarantined

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ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA

The Centers for Disease Control and local authorities shut down and quarantined the occupants of a local BDSM dungeon after a blood scene on Saturday night. Dungeon Master Axlman told CDC officials that he called in a report when he learned that Sarah_Painslut, a submissive in the club, had possibly been to Nigeria in the past.

“As DM, I can shut down any scene,” Axlman told reporters. “When I saw the blood-letting scene going down and I remembered Sarah telling some people at the dungeon that she had been to Africa on vacation—at least I think it was Africa—I called the CDC right away and then stopped the scene.”

Medical professionals and hazmat teams were on the scene within hours and when they assessed the situation and took Axlman’s report they immediately shut down the dungeon and quarantined all people inside. Sarah_Painslut was asked to identify anyone she had been in close contact with for the previous seven days, particularly anyone her bodily fluids may have touched. After laughing, Sarah_Painslut provided a partial list of 18 possible Ebola victims, all heterosexual males and club members, many of whom were in the club at time of quarantine.

“We are testing all the club goers for this deadly disease,” said CDC spokesperson Malcolm McDonnell. When this reporter asked where she had been, Sarah_Painslut replied, “No one’s asked me that yet. I’ve been to Lion Country Safari once.”

Photo credit: byronv2 CC: NC

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