Study Finds 86% of Rapists Also “Douchebags”

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SAN ANTONIO, NEVADA

Researchers from San Antonio University have recently completed a survey of convicted rapists serving time at the San Antonio Men’s Correctional Facility. According to the study’s principal researcher, Jennifer Lawndale, Ph D, most rapists also rated as either “mostly douchebag” or “complete douchebag” on the study’s scale.

“I guess it isn’t really surprising. I mean they are rapists, so the fact that they are douchebags shouldn’t really shock anyone,” said Lawndale.

The response from douchebags has been one of alarm. “Just because I am a total douchebag doesn’t mean I am gonna go rape somebody,” said David Kring, 37. “I am the kinda guy who will take money out of your wallet, talk shit behind your back, and basically lie to your face about stuff, but I am no rapist.”

Kring’s comments resonated with other douchebags as well. “I called that researcher chick’s boss and told her she falsified her results. I totally made it up, but I was trying to get her fired because I disagree with her. I also left a bag of shit at her front door. But I ain’t no rapist.”

Lawndale has found the responses to be disturbing, but not surprising, “They are douchebags after all.”

Photo credit: Ed Hunsinger CC: NC

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