Adorable Facade Hides 10 Tons of Crazy

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YAKAMA, ILLINOIS

Newcomer to the Yakama scene slave kiko has been making the rounds, joining and exiting more than 15 relationships in just under 2 months. Those who have experienced her intense energy describe her as “completely irrational,” “unstable,” “jealous like Medea,” and “downright adorable.”

“At the outset you know there is something seriously off with her,” says Master Jim McDade, 47, “but she is just so fucking cute you just can’t help yourself.” For McDade, it was time to go when he found slave kiko pouring rat poison into a box of Frosted Flakes.

“She pretended like she thought it was sugar, but when I called her out on it, she grabbed a knife and threatened to kill the dog. That’s when I knew she was off her rocker, because I don’t have a dog.”

Others had similar experiences, all of them ending with  a violent confrontation with the young slave.

“The first few times she threatened to kill everyone in the house and herself, we just laughed it off.  It wasn’t until I caught her opening all the gas lines in the kitchen and setting the timer on a small pipe bomb that I thought I should take the threat seriously.  But either way, she is just too cute for words.  We’re all going to miss her.”

Authorities from Rockford Asylum report an escaped inmate matching slave kiko’s description, who was apparently released after she convinced a guard that she was “super sad that she couldn’t go to a comic con.”

The now fired guard told The Daily Flogger that “she promised to come right back.  She’s just so cute.  Adorable really.  It is hard not to trust her.”

Photo credit: Angel James de Ocampo

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