Ask Annie: Should I Learn Shibari?

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Dear Annie,

My girlfriend came across some pictures of Japanese rope bondage and has asked me to learn how to tie her up like that.  I find it complicated and intimidating.  Are there any secrets I should know to learning how to tie?

In knots over this,

Shibari Wannabe

Dear Wannabe,

You have a couple of problems, the biggest of which is you are so far behind that things are pretty much hopeless.  Even worse, if you try to learn shibari, you will open yourself up to instant comparisons to people who are much better at it than you.  Some of them have been doing it for a year or more!  The first thing you have to learn is how to dismiss other people’s rope.  Learn the phrase, “Well that is nice, but it isn’t real shibari” and say it whenever your girlfriend is around.  She will think you know what you are talking about.  After that, it is really just a matter of getting some rope and doing whatever you want to her.  Buy a blindfold, so she can’t see what you are doing and then learn a few Japanese words.  In no time, she will be convinced you are the shibari master she is seeking.

 

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  1. That sounds so wrong. Lying to impress her. Go on Google and see where you can find a class. Not necessarily Shabari, but rope tying. Tell your girlfriend that you will be learning together. Maybe take her to class with you. When you are comfortable with rope work you can look for a shabari class. Don’t lie and try to pretend you are someone you are not. It ruins relationships. Make your relationship fun, honest, and grow together.

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