BDSM Names Reach Mathematical Limit

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OSLO, NORWAY

Researchers at the University of Oslo have determined that for usernames of less than 16 letters, every possible combination of allowable letters, symbols and numbers involving the name “kitty” have now been assigned.

“It is a remarkable thing,” said lead researcher Sven Berkowitz, Association Professor of Finite Mathematics.  “We were shocked by the results.  We were trying to discover the time it would take to find the mathematical limit, only to discover it had already been reached.”

Research assistant Helena Swift summarized the results.  “If you want a screen name with ‘kitty’ in it, you are basically fucked.  They are all taken.”

The study notes the significance of Sheila Heath’s moniker, SexyKitty1992, which was the “last available kitty name on record,” and was registered sometime last week.

Heath was delighted to know she got the last kitty name.  “I only tried like four or five.  I just added my birth year to sexy and kitty and it worked.  I couldn’t believe it.”

Kim Jones, also born in 1992, believes there had to be some special exception.  “I know I tried that screen name and it was taken.  I am way sexier than Sheila and my birthday is earlier so that should be my screen name.  Not &!kitty777sexy.  No one can ever remember that, but it was the only one I could get.”

Photo credit: Antoine Walter CC: NC SA

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