Slave Offers Class in Passive Aggressive Community Service

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JACKSONVILLE, WASHINGTON

This weekend slave emily, 32, offered a first time ever seminar in what she calls “Passive Aggressive Community Service.”

According to the experienced slave, “you aren’t going to get paid, or even recognized, so you might as well extract some self-worth and self-esteem the good old fashioned way, by being passive aggressive.”

The theory according to slave emily is that those who commit themselves to service in the community generally burn out because they feel like they get nothing in return for all their hard work. In the seminar, she offers the following tips for a more “healthy and balanced attitude toward service.”

For slave emily, the goal of all passive aggressive behavior “is to make sure there is an obvious disconnect between what you are doing and what you are saying.” This can be accomplished by following 7 key rules.

1. Do the work, but resent it. Holding grudges is an important part of showing your dissatisfaction, especially if you withhold your anger until after the event, so nothing can be done to correct it.
2. Put things off intentionally. Only when there is a crisis will people see how needed you are.
3. Don’t say no, just do a bad job. Better to mess things up than not be a part of things!
4. Complain. A lot. But make sure to be clear that you are the only one who can do the job.
5. Backhanded compliments and “hidden” criticisms. This is all about balance, make sure to mix the good and the bad or at least qualify everything. “It is an amazing event, it is shame it isn’t better attended.” Or try “The only way this could have run more smoothly would have been to hire qualified people.”
6. Always end on an insult. You are working hard, so you get the last work. Take advantage of it and make it nasty!
7. Silence is golden. Ignoring people, giving the cold shoulder, and generally being non-communicative will let everyone know how you are feeling without you even needing to say a word!

Photo credit: Deemonita CC: SA NC

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