CSI Backs out of local dungeon, slowly

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NEW YORK, NY: Crime Scene Investigators for New York City Police Department were summoned to a local BDSM dungeon on 14th Street in the Meatpacking District late Saturday night on reports of an unknown crime at the scene. Police cordoned off a section of Dangerous Liaisons after the proprietor called about a possible crime in the Dykes and Tykes Room.

“I heard strange noises from a dozen or so women,” said a frequent visitor to the dungeon. “It sounded like someone was being murdered in there.” The Dykes and Tykes Room features leather-wrapped playground equipment, cribs and multi-pronged “marital aids.”

“CSI arrived at the scene at 3:18 am,” said NYPD Spokesperson Jules Thorn. “They prepped gear at their mobile lab before entering the premises, which is standard procedure.”

A source told The Daily Flogger that Crime Scene Investigators were in the dungeon for no more than three minutes before rapidly packing up and leaving. The proprietor was overheard shouting to the lab technicians, “You didn’t do anything!”

Ultraviolet lights in hand, the three CSI experts nearly tripped over one another, eyes wide and glazed, as they hastily threw their gear into the mobile lab and peeled out and away from the dungeon.

When asked to comment on the incident on Sunday, NYPD CSI Director Avery Tuft stated, “Never in the history of forensic sciences have so many elements of evidence been discovered in a single venue before.” Though diligent, the team reportedly “called for backup” to no avail.

“There’s still a 22-inch used Triple-Headed Hydra on the floor in there,” complained Taurus, proprietor of Dangerous Liaisons. “I’m certainly not going in there to clean it up.”

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