Kraig Calvin wins “Most Creepy” at Local Event



“There were lots of contenders and the competition was very rough this year,” said head judge Krissy Swanson, 24, a female and long time stalking victim.  “Kraig’s constant skulking in the corner and eyeing one of the newcomers was some of the best creeper behavior I think we’ve ever seen.”

Calvin, 28, considers himself a dominant, though by his own admission he has never actually played with a or been involved in any kind of BDSM relationship.

It was his signature move, a combination of finding a cute, young, and brand new and following her around that earned him this year’s prize .

Swanson added, “She was so adorable and clueless and he probably creeped her out enough that she won’t ever think about setting foot in this place again.  Now, THAT is creepy.”

Last year’s winner, David Timmons, 68, acknowledged the strength of Calvin’s work.  “Being old and toothless just didn’t cut it this year.  Calvin is all about the eyeliner and keeping a distance that feels both invasive but far enough away that you can’t say anything without seeming paranoid.  He is a master at creating discomfort and that feeling that something is just not right.  He’s only 28.  When I was 28 I was off getting laid, but he is here perfecting his craft.  You have to respect that.”

Calvin seemed more confused by the award than honored.  “I’m just trying to meet a pretty girl.  Its not like I am going to take her home carve her up and wear her skin as a suit.  I wouldn’t do that.  Mother wouldn’t allow it.”

Timmons’ response was immediate.  “Damn.  How am I supposed to compete with that, I just want to grope girls 50 years younger than me.”

Photo credit: Austin Appel CC: NC SA


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