Movie Review: Rock of Ages

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Emily here. I just finished watching Tom Cruise play rock legend Stacee Jaxx. OK, let’s stop right there. I hate the name. I hate the spelling. I hate the actor. Why? Because he is a gay man who married Nicole Kidman and that really cute girl from Dawson’s Creek.

He probably broke both of their hearts.

Why can’t I find a guy like that? Someone harboring a terrible secret that will eventually destroy me? I’d even be willing to have kids, just to make the inevitable break up more painful.

I was trying to imagine all the lies, the vague sense of deception. You know you are being lied to, something is going on behind your back but you can’t figure it out. You end up just living with a terrible fear that any moment, you will discover some secret that will cause your whole world to come crashing down around you.

Sigh. Why can’t I have something like that?

So Stacee Jaxx, thanks for letting me watch and yearn for a man like you who will ruin my life, but not before torturing me for years with anxiety, fear and misery.

I hear you are single. Maybe you might want to give your friendly emotionally masochistic reviewer a shot?
 

Rating: 4.5 Stars

About Emily: Emily is The Daily Flogger’s emotionally masochistic film and media critic.  Her views are exclusively her own and should not be considered the product of a rational mind.  Her reviews usually have little to do with the movie in question but do give a nice glimpse inside the mind of a twisted and tortured soul.

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