Commentary: 50 Shaders Trounced At BDSM Club

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LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA 

February 15, 2015 

The hopes of two middle aged soccer mom’s from Simi Valley were dashed last evening at an exclusive BDSM night club in Los Angeles.

“I couldn’t believe we got kicked out,” exclaimed Barbie Wanabe, mother of 4, and avid 50 Shades Of Grey fan. “I had just seen the movie with my friend, Suzie, and we decided to go to a club to try it. She got ignored and the guy I submitted to had us forcibly removed from the club!”

With the largest debut of any NC-17 rated movie behind it, the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon is just getting started. Following the success of the highly popular book trilogy by E. L. James, the movie portrays the romance between an innocent young girl and a controlling billionaire with a penchant for kinky sex. Barbie and her friend were out on the town seeking to fulfill their fantasies of being sexually controlled by a strong willed dominant man.

“When I kneeled before him, just like in the movie, he actually rolled his eyes at me,” said Suzie Buttcuddler, “like I wasn’t good enough for him or something. He just stood there with a blank look on his face. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life!”

The much anticipated movie and its portrayal of the BDSM subculture has been a subject of hot debate on BDSM web sites like FetLife.com since the book came out in May, 2011. Proponents of the book claim it will bring a new level of social acceptance to the subculture. Opponents of the book claim it will dilute the subculture with too many neophytes. Both camps agree, however, that 50 Shades of Grey will have a profound and lasting effect on the community. They only disagree on what that effect will be.

“The audacity of these two women is incredible,” said Dick Inurhed, a club goer who witnessed the events. “I mean, here we are having one of our usual Saturday evening pansexual play parties and in walks Barbie right up to Harry, our gay Dungeon Master, and demands that he dominate her, right while he’s in the middle of co-topping a scene his boy is doing with another top! Then Suzie, fully clothed, just flops her awkward self on the floor in front of my friend Tom, the club owner, who’s married and recovering from a hernia operation, and looks up at him like an expectant puppy dog. I’m really not surprised that he ejected them from the club, and with a full refund too!”

The often misunderstood etiquette and protocols of the BDSM subculture seem to have been completely ignored by the two Simi Valley women; but Barbie has a different perspective. “We read the books, we researched it online, and we saw the movie. These guys at the club just weren’t doing it right!” she said in frustration.

“Yeah, we didn’t do anything wrong,” joined in Suzie, “there we were being submissive and everything and they were just rude and intolerant.”

Barbie Wanabe and Suzie Buttcuddler are mothers, wives, PTA members and upstanding members of the Simi Valley community who were just out on a Saturday night looking for a new experience. Apparently, they got one.

Dick Inurhed is a master carpenter and skilled practitioner of BDSM for 30 years who heads a poly family of six in Orange County. Apparently, he’s not doing it right.

Tom and Harry were not available for comment.

Contact information withheld to protect the privacy of the individuals involved.

Photo Credit: David Howard

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